Battle Sleep
by Kinasha15
Summary: Jane Shepard had heard the term 'Battle Sleep' from her lover, many times before. She had a vague idea about the concept but had never experienced that soul destroying rage that her lover had often told her about. Now she knows it all too well. Can the Normandy crew handle a Shepard that's asleep?
1. Falling Asleep

Jane Shepard was normally an emotional person. At least that's how my father spoke of her, it was something he loved about her. I remember whenever I asked about Jane he would talk for hours about her, how her emotions often got her into trouble but that they were a part of her. While she'd try and hide it from others Jane could never hide it from her crew, or from my Father. Yet as I read this prayer with her I see no emotion, I see nothing of the Jane that punched me in our first meeting. Instead I see ice, as if an ice wall is forming around Shepard so that she can't show any emotion. Perhaps my Father in his final moments can see the emotion she's hiding but all I see is a cold determination. This is no longer the kind Jane my Father spoke of with a smile. This is the cold and ruthless Shepard that her enemies have faced and failed.

After Shepard has closed the eyes of my Father's body I begin to wonder if I should pray to Amonkira for Shepard's journey. Or if I should pray to Kalahira for the enemies that she will face in the coming days. For anyone who will face her now I fear that they will meet a painful end. When a white sheet blocks our view of my Father's body Shepard turned and pushed me out of the room with her.

Shepard moves us to the side so that we can speak immediately the orange glow of her omni tool comes. Shepard explains that she is sending me a large sum of credits to pay the cost of the funeral. I try to tell her that we had set aside some credits for this. But she insists saying "I won't be there for the funeral, at least I can be there for him in some way." Quite honestly I can't argue with her. I thanked her and for a moment I thought she would say something to me but a Turian hand grabs her shoulder and the idea of whatever she was going to say was gone. When I saw the two of them leaving impulsively I reacted and asked for a moment of the turian's time. Easily he turned to me and finally I could say something to someone.

The Turian didn't look used to this type of talk, I suppose he'll have to get used to it before this war is over. "You're Garrus right?" I asked hesitantly, while my Father told me much of the crew I had yet to meet many of them. Thankfully he replied in the affirmative, "Yes, you're Thane's son. Kolyat right?" I nodded to him and shook his hand in greeting. "I'm sorry about your Father, he was a good man." Condolences, I should expect that from now on just like when Mother died. I shake my head no sense slipping into old and painful memories now. "Thank you, but that's not what this is about." I begin cryptically. "It's about Shepard, I fear my Father's death has done more damage to her than it has to me." I watch as Garrus' mandibles click and flare. A threat to a friends pain seems to agitate him,..good."My Father told me about her heroics, and how she gave every enemy a chance to leave when she could, and how if needed she would kill quickly. I fear that Shepard has entered her 'battle sleep'." I let the words sink, but I see they have little effect. "I fear that she will change. I ask this in place of my Father, he would not want her soul to be damaged because of her revenge. Please watch over Shepard and don't let her soul die." I see that I have thoroughly confused the older Turian. But there is little else that I can tell him as Shepard has decided it is time to leave. As I watch the two, I realize I have given the task to her close friend and he will help her.

Once they are gone I can't help but to slump against the wall. The blood donation has left me weak not to mention the emotional turmoil I have suffered in the past hour. My hand covers my face as I think of my Mother. When she died I felt like an orphan, but now I truly am. I knew he was dying, kepral's is a death sentence there is no cure. I know he preferred this death to wasting away in a hospital room, but still we were finally.. No I can't think about that now. Yes there are questions that will never be answered, yes I will grieve but I can't not now. I will help make this place a little better. I owe it to my parents, Commander Bailey, Shepard, the refugees, and myself to fix this mess. There are orphans being made everyday. My story is not important, if I help no one.

My hand slips from my face and I look around the hospital. Looking at my Father's room one last time I stand and steady myself. "It's time to get to work." My Father and Shepard did the hard work, they stopped the coup, now I have to fix this mess. I'll go to Commander Bailey and see what he needs me to do. My life isn't important, not anymore, I will live to serve and help those around me. When I die I want to know I have left the universe brighter than when I lived in it.

* * *

**Authors Note**: Obviously first time writing. This is an idea that took hold of me and plagued me at work until I wrote it down. I have some of the next chapter written. As well as a general points that I want this story to hit. Don't worry this story won't be Shepard throwing tantrums this will be more of a story of how I think a person in 'Battle Sleep' would act, more specifically how I envisioned my Shepard to react. I'll continue simply because the idea now formed won't stop. I appreciate any criticism. Thank you for your time and have a great day.


	2. The Evil Twin

Sure Thane and I served on the SR2 together, and while I was one of the few that new about him and Shepard. I admit I had advised against it, after all he was dying. Regardless even though we served together I was always Shepard's friend first and foremost, I've helped her take down Sovereign, I've seen her at lows and highs. Her lows have been nothing to scoff a. I thought I saw her at her lowest when she had to face her old squad mates that survived that thresher maw attack. Or maybe after she tried to desperately warn the Batarian colonists, she beat herself up for their deaths for weeks.

But I was wrong. When Thane jumped down to the assassin and the duel started I saw a swell of pride in that human Specter. But the second the fight started turning ugly that pride deflated and worry took over her features. I could see her keeping her weapon ready trying to get a good shot but those two were moving way to fast. When Thane fell panic threw her eyes wide. Shepard was off like a shot toward the assassin. I'd never seen so much emotion on Shepard's face when Thane slumped to the ground. Things were happening so fast I had no time to hear the two of them before we were off after the assassin.

In the car Shepard was, vicious trying everything possible to get this bastard. But he got away. When we found Thane in the hospital Shepard didn't waste a second and just ran, her biotics must have taken a lot out of her during the fight but she pushed through. I let her deal with Thane, I was expecting tears at least that's how humans seemed to react with sad things in the vids. Instead the face I saw on here wasn't angry or sad,it was just... void. But then again I should know by now not to expect Shepard to be a normal human. I was going to ask about Thane, but in that face I knew he was gone. I was going to ask about his son but that kid pulled me aside before I could ask Shepard. I did the only thing I could do, listen. Listening to that kid when he said a warning of 'Battle Sleep' whatever that means. I wanted to express my condolences but Shepard was already leaving and I had to get back to the ship.

Normally Shepard would bark orders, but now she was silent. As we were waiting in the decontamination chamber I swear I heard her say "He lied." I wanted to ask but she was gone. While I didn't understand the words Kolyat used I knew something was wrong. I'll speak to Liara about all of this, maybe the Shadow Broker can make sense of this.

When I entered Liara's office that weird VI was right in my face, good thing I didn't have my gun with me. "Greetings Garrus Vakarian, Dr. Tsoni is hard at work on the prothean device and has requested to not be disturbed. Please come back another time." I just stared at the little ball of light, yeah a ball of light will stop me sure. Thankfully I didn't have to destroy the VI as Liara spoke up. "Thank you Glyph that will be all. Allow Mr. Vakarian into my office." She said in a distant and clipped manner. As I entered the office and the VI drifted away I realized it was odd hearing that clipped manner of speaking from sweet little Liara. Sure I know she's the Shadow Broker hell I helped her become the shadow broker but to me she's still that insanely curious Asari scientist that was so naive it was rather adorable. I guess I need to stop thinking about her like that now. I was pulled out of my thoughts when she spoke to me. "How can I help you Garrus?" She asked without taking her eyes away from the screen before her. Deciding that it would be easier to just ease into everything I leaned against the wall behind her and began to talk.

"Do you remember that Drell-" However I wasn't able to finish as I was interrupted.

"Yes Thane Krios, he assisted in my mission to get Feron back. How is he?" Liara said in that same distant tone so fine, easing into this be damned.

"He's dead." That seemed to pull her away from her damn screens. Maybe a little too well because she froze, her back stiffened and she lifted her head breathing out the word "Goddess." It was almost like a whisper. In that whisper it was quite obvious that she understood the implications of Thane's death. In her next words it proves that she understands the implication. "How is she?"

I honestly had no idea how to answer that question so I shifted awkwardly and admitted all I did know. "She's in her cabin." I couldn't help but watch as Liara turned to finally face me and in those eyes were sympathy, sadness, and pity? "Yes I imagine Shepard would want some privacy." There was an uneasy solemn silence between us for a short while before Liara spoke again. "I can't imagine that you came here to only inform me about Thane." Ah, there was that business clipped tone that she had perfected in the last few years.

"Yeah, you caught me." I said and shuffled before continuing "Kolyat, Thane's son spoke with me before we left the Citadel. He said something, a warning of sorts."

"What warning Garrus? Liara asked me in a worried tone.

"A warning about Shepard, he told me to watch out for her soul, He said that Shepard might be entering a 'Battle Sleep'. Thing is I have no idea what that means. So I was hoping you would."

Liara gave a sigh and moved to a chair, more like slumped into a chair. "Yes. I know what that means. It's a religious term used by the Drell. To understand it you need to understand their philosophy."

"Well I have to admit that I came here for an answer not a history lesson but then I guess I shouldn't have gone to an archeologist then huh?" I cross my arms and the faintest smile appears on Liara's face before it goes away again.

"Yes well, The Drell are like humans in their belief that each individual has a soul. However the Drell believe that the soul is much more separated than humans believe. For example, when a Drell is told by his superiors to do something unethical his soul is untarnished, even if he committed the unethical act. Where as humans believe that regardless of if you or your superiors tell you to do something unethical if you commit the act your soul is hurt." Liara paused I think to make sure I understood what she was saying, I just nodded for her to continue. "The Drell believe that if you decide to do an unethical act by yourself then your soul is hurt. So as long as you don't consciously decide to do something unethical your soul is fine so to speak." Taking a break Liara leaned back against the chair before continuing. "Now the Drell also believe that if a person is severely injured or traumatized they believe the person is no longer Whole. This is where the term 'Battle Sleep' is linked to." That got my attention

"So pretty much the person's just sad?" I asked in a slightly confused voice, I was never one for philosophy.

Liara simply shook her head "Battle Sleep is also closely associated with Revenge. But not any Revenge, more of the 'I will hunt you down and destroy you piece by piece variety.' Many Drell who have entered Battle Sleep have taken years to exact their vengeance, which is carefully thought out most of the time. They don't care how long it takes or what it takes they will abandon everything for revenge. And Goddess help whoever receives it." It was after speaking that Liara covered her face and shook her head lightly.

"Sounds like your speaking from experience Liara, care to share?" I asked curiously, granted while it wasn't just curiosity I needed to know if Shepard would do something more insane than usual. I more than anyone get revenge but if it was going to jeopardize the mission revenge would have to be put aside.

Liara simply nodded. "Before I was the Shadow Broker I made some unsavory allies, and one was a Drell's victim." Her hand moves to cover her face for a moment before continuing with her story. With her continuation her hand moved from her face. "Garrus it was awful, that Asari didn't just die. She was tortured within an inch of her life. Then she was treated, healed if you will. Only for it all to happen again. He kept her like that for months before killing her." Liara simply shook her head, maybe trying to get the image out of her head? "I was called in for questioning, it was no secret that she was not liked so they questioned her business associates first. I came first. Garrus when I saw her body, she didn't even look like an Asari. It was unimaginable." She trailed off there

The room filled with an uneasy silence for the both of us. I was sure Liara was re-living the moment, whereas I was simply imaging it all. My imagination ceased when Liara began to speak again.

Taking a steadying breath Liara began again. "A few months later I was informed that the individual responsible had been caught. He was a Drell, named Krilon. I was able to speak with him briefly. And he told me his reasons. Krilon had been searching for this Asari for fifty years. He explained that this Asari had once been an Eclipse member, and in a raid of a transport vessel she had killed his daughter. Krilon had been on the Hanar home world at the time and when he found out what had happened to his daughter he entered 'Battle Sleep'. He told me that the incident had caused his soul to break, he was so traumatized that he was no longer whole" She paused for a moment and then explained the ending to the tale. "He died a month after we spoke, the doctors say he simply lost his will to live."

Liara's room had become silent with the story and the implications that the story brought with it. I couldn't stay I had to leave, I had to think. Leaving my crew mate and returning to the main gun I began to think about everything that had transpired. Listening to Liara's tale I finally understood what 'Battle Sleep' meant. I thought about Shepard's face again, it wasn't sad. Thinking about it now I remember that face.

When we were on our way to the Omega 4 relay there was this determination in Shepard's face that I'd seen before a few times, she was so determined to get her missions done. But that face changed when we landed and that poor girl turned to sludge. Shepard's face wasn't just determination anymore it was determination mixed with pure rage. It was after the mission was over that I got a chance to speak with Shepard. Shepard and I having a drink a day later. We were talking and I asked her why she had blown up the collector home world. I remember those green eyes locking onto me from over her glass. Setting down the glass Shepard clasped her hands together and leaned against them before speaking. I remember her speaking in a soft tone. "A lot of reasons, but the biggest one was because they tried to kill my own."

Needless to say I was shocked, sure Shepard had the idea of leaving no one behind but she'd done it for the sake of the mission. Like leaving Ashley behind on Virmie. So I knew while it killed her to do it that Shepard would leave people behind if it meant a successful mission. So Naturally I asked her. "So you're telling me that even if saving it would be beneficial for the universe you would still destroy it?" After this Shepard moved closer and her tone took on a cold, cruel, and quiet tone. "Even if saving it would have killed every single Reaper that ever was or will be, I would still destroy it. Because no one and nothing goes after one of my own. Without being totally destroyed."

In those words I saw the Vengeful Shepard.

Though thinking about it now I saw her evil twin today.


	3. Charging the Mech

Over the next couple of days Shepard was obviously not herself. She only came out of her cabin to check on the war room and training in the gym. As for food thankfully Liara decided to take on that task. Liara constantly would go ahead and take food from the galley to Shepard's cabin, mostly because Liara wanted to help and because she was one of the few that had the access code to Shepard's cabin. I knew it wasn't due to Shepard giving the code, most of the time the only way people could go up was with Shepard's permission. The only one who had access before, was Thane. I'm pretty sure Shepard hadn't given out the access code to Liara.

So the Asari must have gotten it through her Shadow Broker means. Every meal Liara would take a tray of food up and an empty tray back down. Sure this all was rather annoying but at least Shepard was eating and for a biotic not eating could really screw you over. Normally when Shepard's in the gym we had set up she'll spar with everyone.

Currently Shepard spars with one of three people, myself, Vega and the Prothean. With me and Vega it's business as usual, regular solider sparring. But with Javik it's terrifying. It's like they are trying to kill each other. Shepard doesn't hold back any punches and neither does Javik. I've had to pop Shepard's shoulder back in more times then I care to admit.

It's odd on the SR1 Normandy Shepard and Kaiden spared a lot but now every time he requests some time with her she declines with a mostly made up excuse. All in all I'm keeping a close eye on Shepard and I have to say this isn't the same Shepard I've known for years. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

All through this she's been focusing on every scrap of knowledge she could get on this Kai Lang character. Shepard is quiet for the most part, which is very odd for Shepard, but at least she hasn't gone off the walls. When we got the news about the Cerberus scientists I thought it would be a good mission for Shepard maybe push her back to her old self. At least that's what I hoped for.

...

We landed and the three of us, Shepard, Vega and myself were tearing through Cerberus agents left and right. It was rather good to see Jacob again, sure he wasn't my best friend but he was part of the crew and I thought that might give Shepard enough pause to actually talk to him. Finally Shepard came over to talk to him briefly, no reminiscing, no asking if he'd join her crew. Sure the two of them weren't close but they were crew mates and that normally means something to Shepard. Now she was just distant almost as if he was a fly and she no longer cared if he lived or died. When Shepard talked to him it was just simple things like how many people needed transport and could he fight.

When she got those answers the Commander left. It was then that Jacob had pulled me aside. He noticed the change and when he asked what happened all I had to do was say "Thane's dead." and Jacob understood. It was no secret that Thane and Shepard were at least extremely close friends, many believed they were involved romantically but a few knew that it was true. I tried to talk to Jacob more but in a flash Shepard called me and Vega to get those AA guns back online, not caring if Jacob was alright or not. That was the first warning sign that this had gotten bad.

...

We were moving to the AA Guns and Shepard was kicking ass which is rather normal for her. But not like this. Normally she relied on her biotics and weapons equally but now Shepard was a raging biotic with a shotgun. I have to wonder if she'd give Jack a run for her money. There Shepard was jumping from place to place sending out a Nova blast everywhere she went, with the boom of her Schmitar accompanying her jumps.

I know that biotics tend to get exhausted if they overuse their biotics and Shepard like most used them sparingly to avoid the mind numbing headaches. But now watching that same Shepard punching a Cerberus troop with that ever present glow, so powerfully it killed him. I see a Shepard that no longer cares about the headaches, she was angry pure unfiltered rage and taking it out on enemies; today she wanted to destroy and damn the consequences.

I am all for fierceness in the battlefield, after all I am a Turian. I've always admired Shepard's fierce form of fighting but the last time I checked Shepard was not a Krogan, so when she charged a damn mech I was worried. The mech's arm swung throwing Shepard across the field, Vega covered me while I went out to drag her human ass back. I'd seen Shepard go down before and it never gets any easier.

As I had Shepard behind my cover with me I noticed the Commander was trying to sit up. But since I needed to keep her alive I held her down with my knee, sure she had a few choice words for me but when she tried to use her biotics I knocked her out. I'm sure she'll be pissed off later but at least she'll be alive.

...

When we got back to the Normandy the crew was rather curious, especially Kaiden. They'd get nothing out me as I carried Shepard into the med bay, locking the doors behind me. If anyone had an appointment they could fuck themselves Chakwas was busy. No words were spoken as the good doctor worked. I sat and simply waited for the all clear. I spent the time not worrying if Shepard was alright, instead I worried over what I would say.

When Chakwas sat down in her chair again she looked at me with a face that simply demanded that an answer be given. "Care to explain what happened to our Commanding officer?"

"I knocked her out." That shocked Chakwas and it showed for a moment

"Why would you do that?"

"She jeopardized the mission." When the good doctor looked at me skeptically I continued "By charging a damn mech."

And that shut her up, I'm sure if Chakwas wasn't sitting she'd have fallen back. I stood and watched Shepard sleep as I explained to the doctor what was happening. "Shepard isn't dealing with Thane's death very well. In fact she's not dealing with it at all. She's not focused on the mission anymore she's focused on vengeance. So much that she's not even focused on keeping her ass alive long enough to exact her vengeance." And once more, like Liara, I watched a crew member realize that our Shepard, our rock, was breaking right in front of us.

It broke Liara's heart and now it was breaking Chakwas's heart as well. Taking a breath I continued talking to the good doctor. "Regardless, Shepard is not going to be happy when she wakes up and I'd rather have her punch me than you." Thankfully the older woman decided to heed my warning and left the med bay.

...

Once I secured the room I settled in and waited for the savior of the citadel to wake up. I had no idea what to say but some had to say something, and hopefully the Spirits would grant a miracle and the stubborn woman would listen. Soon enough Shepard groaned, signaling that she was waking up. I stood and waited as Shepard slowly rose and situated herself.

When she finally noticed that I was on the other side of the room she leveled me with a glare that would make any Batarian proud. "Garrus." She growled out, this was not off to a good start. Care to explain your actions?" she asked in a growl.

"Which actions" I asked.

"How about knocking your superior officer out during a fight for one." I was expecting yelling not this cruel growl that was coming out of her mouth.

" I was protecting my superior officer."

"How does that protect a person?"

"When the person is a threat to themselves and the mission." I responded and leveled my blue eyes on her green ones. Showing the anger and the worry that I had felt throughout this ordeal.

"How am I threat to either?" She asked, I knew she understood my implications but she wanted to play the denial game.

So with a clever counter I hoped to turn the discussion tot he matter at hand "Care to explain your actions?"

"What are you talking about?" she questioned. Neither of us had moved since we began speaking but now it seemed as if Shepard wanted to sprint out of the room.

"How about you rushing into a fight without a tactic. Or how about how you've been using your biotics like you're in a race against Jack! I'm sure your lips have been stained red with the amount of nose bleeds you've been having. Then again we could talk about how you charged a FUCKING MECH!"

Admittedly my voice rose quite a bit, so I took a moment to breathe as I waited for Shepard to react. Thank fully I didn't have to wait long. "You have a problem with my fighting style?"

"No I have a problem with your thinking that your a damn Krogan." I said with a bite

"Look Vakarian sure maybe I have been more aggressive but I'm not a danger to the mission or myself." Shepard said trying to reason with me.

"Wrong! If you're going to lose your head during a mission then I can't focus on the mission at hand. Instead I have to worry about covering your ass. If you want to grieve fine, but grieve off the battlefield, lock yourself in your room if you want-"

"What? You think I'm grieving? No, I'm angry so instead of beating my crew I'm beating my enemies. Everyone is angry about those damn machines."

"This isn't about the Reapers."

That made her pause a second before asking "Then what is it about?"

I looked at her a moment took a deep breath before saying the one word I knew would get her to understand. She wasn't going to like it. "Thane."

After I said that it was like a bomb went off. Shepard looked shocked and for a moment I thought those tears in her eyes would fall. Then in a flash her face turned into pure rage "Were done here." She stated before getting out the bed and moving for the door.

I knew we weren't done so I grabbed her arm. "No we aren't you've barely slept or eaten. You won't talk to others and now you're borderline suicidal." I took a breath before continuing in a softer voice.

"You still have people who care about you. Thane-" And that was the end of my talking as a blue fist came up to meet my jaw. Knocking me back a few steps. "Shut up!" She shouted "Don't you dare say **HIS** name again." Shepard seethed at me, however her head bent, and for a moment I thought I had gotten through. A single tear fell, right before a blue glowing fist came to meet my face.

Sure I had been thrown back but I quickly got right back up and followed the Commander toward the elevator. "Shepard if I have to knock you out to protect your sorry ass then I will. But know that your crew is worried about you." I said to her as I caught up with her. I watched as her shoulders went back and her back went ramrod straight.

Right before she said the most blatant lie she'd said today. "I'm fine, I don't need your pity or worry." At that I couldn't contain myself and I growled letting a few clicks go as my mandibles flared.

Those few clicks and flares were the only warning sign to my picking up Shepard and pushing her against a wall. "Fine! Fuck your crew, don't care. But you listen to me. Everything we've worked for over the years has been for this mission and as much as I hate to say it this all relies on you keeping it together. If you go off the rails then the Reapers win!" When she looked at me I knew that was the wrong thing to say

With a simple "I know." She slapped away my arms and easily fell back to her own feet. When her feet touched the ground she threw out another biotic charged punch which knocked me on the floor as she went into the elevator and disappeared.

As Liara and Vega came toward me I remained on the floor angry. At Liara's gentle pulling I sat up leaning against the wall. I hadn't noticed the crowd that Shepard and I had drawn, thankfully Vega was already dispersing them. I sat as Liara fussed over me, this wasn't what Turians did. They didn't out their commanding officer in front of the crew or at all. But she wasn't my commanding officer not anymore. She was my friend. So I tried to help her, to snap her out of it. I hung my head and shut my eyes full well knowing I had fucked up that intervention horribly.


	4. Breaking the Bottle

Everything has been a bit off since Lola and Scales went at it. Never seen a human punch a Turian to the ground, if it hadn't been in those circumstances I would have laughed. After the whole incident scales stayed in the main gun, and Lola wouldn't call him out for missions anymore. Before the citadel Lola would shift the team about but always either Scales or Doc was there with her. Sure on the first mission it was just me, Lola, and Major Alenko But now Doc never gets called out for missions and neither does Scales. Now it seems to be mostly myself and the Prothean, or as I like to call him Cucarracha. We've been moving along trying to put a dent in the Reapers somewhere. But it lately feels like were just barley holding ourselves up. The moral in the crew is shit, there's no other word for it. Everyone knows we are in an impossible situation and now it seems like Shepard the Savior of the citadel is falling apart right in front of us. Shits scary. I've seen the Major come out and try to speak with Lola when she's in the war room. But she just keeps dodging him. Thankfully I know how to listen to people and from the gossip I hear Lola and Major Alenko were an item on the first Normandy though it seemed that those feelings were long since passed. But still they served together, there's still a bond dammit.

I couldn't figure out what was eating Lola up so I started digging, didn't have to look very hard.

We were in between missions at the time and most of us were eating. Doc came out looking exhausted sat down next to Scales and I heard everything. Seems like Lola lost someone just like Esteban had lost someone. I remember pulling him out of those moments and things started making sense. She didn't have the luxury of griving Lola was a Commander and the fate of every race was on her shoulders. No time for a pitty party. When I learned about that I knew I had to do something. So I spoke with the one person that would know what she was feeling, Esteban.

"Hey Esteban!" I called out when I came back down. There he was dutifully working away at the ship I crashed, don't think he'll ever forgive me for that one.

"What do you want Burro?" He asked in his usual manner. I slumped against the side panel and said one word "Help." That caught his attention, not like me to ask for any.

"With what did you break something else?"

"No this thing broke on it's own. It's Lola, she's hurting."

I saw him finally step away from the machine and wipe his hands clean from the grease. With a sigh he started "Look, I'm your friend but if you think I'm going to help you try and screw our commanding officer-"

"Woah! You got it wrong I don't see Lola like that. She's a marine, nothing else."

He gave me a simple look that said 'I'm not sure if I believe you quite yet.' So I clarified the situation.

"She lost someone important just like you did." That wiped his look right off his face. And unfortunately caused him to slump down in a nearby chair. I knew he wasn't completely over it, but at least he was better. Seeing as he wasn't punching his best friends face in like Lola.

He took a moment or two before responding. "She's not exactly in the best position to deal with this right now either." He stayed silent as I started explaining all I knew and he sat listened and thought. After a bit Esteban spoke again "Vega I know you want to help her get over this but that's not your part. You need to get her laughing again, get her eating in front of people again." He put a hand on my shoulder explaining something so simple yet so difficult. "Be her friend, she'll help herself when she's ready." That was the advice I got so that's what I ran with.

It wasn't hard wanting to be her friend, though it was damn hard to be her friend in the beginning. I tried the typical hanging around after missions and sparing. But I only got the same coldness she showed everyone. So I changed tactics. On the battlefield she was just as reckless as I was so I showed her how to have fun with it. So instead of silence on the radio with her I started hedging bets on who'd kill the most X, Y or Z. Ragging on her when she missed, treating her like I'd treat any other guy in my old squad. And soon I was rewarded for my efforts, one day after one of those Ravagers exploded on me on the way I said "Argh Now what girl's gunna want me?." as I tried and shake some of the gunk off me. I don't know if it's what I said or how I must have looked with all that gunk or seeing a grown man whining about a girl not wanting him, but Lola laughed and threw it straight back "Vega no girl wanted you before anyway." After that there was no longer silence on the radio just manic laughter, violent banter, classic ribbing, and of course bets. But that was on the field, on the ship it was back to normal and Lola was silent, and hidden from the crew.

One day coming back from a pretty hard fight me, Lola and even the Robot were beat. As we were walking back onto the ship and removing our armor I said "I think I'm going to eat all the food stores on the ship." Lola only scoffed saying "Yeah not if this biotic has anything to say about it." We chuckled for a moment until the robot piqued up "But Commander it would be impossible for you to thwart Vega's attempts to eat his way through the stores if you solely receive your meals in your quarters." That stopped the humor and we were silent as the robot left us. I looked over to the Commander and watched her sigh and for a second I thought we'd lose this playful thing we had going. But Lola shocked me by saying "Well I guess it's time for me to come on down." and we left for the galley. Scales looked shocked so did half the crew. Though Scales and Doc seemed happy as hell to see Lola down eating with the crew. Sure I got her in the room but she didn't talk and barely smiled. Even though I was loudly telling everyone about some story. Even Major Alenko tried getting a word out of her, but all for naught. She ate her meal and nodded to her crew before going back to the elevators. I watched as Doc followed her. Lola stopped in front of one door and for a moment looked like she wanted to go in. Doc said in that calm voice "Shepard, why don't you come with me to the war room." And like that the trance like look on Lola's face was gone and you couldn't get Lola away from that door fast enough.

I watched the whole exchange confused as hell until Scales came up and slapped my back "Thanks for getting her out here." He said and fully intended on leaving my side but I asked a question. "What's up with that room?" Scales halted and looked at that room sadly "Those were His quarters, guess she forgot about that room, until she actually saw it again. Don't think she's ready for that part quite yet." Scales said before simply moving away. Just like that everything continued moving, but I couldn't help but feel Lola had made a step forward.

Later on I was sitting in the mess having a late night snack, when I looked up to see Lola come out. I knew she hadn't noticed me, but I noticed the bottle in her hands. Her steps faltered as she moved through the area. I moved to a better hiding spot, drunk Lola was something I hadn't seen before, who knows if she'd throw my ass or laugh like a maniac. But nothing really happened she moved and then stopped in front of that same door. I watched my commanding officer sway before taking another hit from the bottle. "I can't sleep." She admitted in a soft voice that I had to strain to hear. Waiting I listened to her talk to a door. "You always helped me sleep." The slender woman before me took another hit "I Miss you.." She whispered and bowed her head. I stepped out of my hiding spot when I heard a small sob. I was going to step forward right before that now empty bottle crashed against the door. "You lied..." She spat at the door as she stood swaying. I was going to move forward but Major Alenko came out from his quarters obviously curious about the sound. He looked to me confused and all I could do was gesture toward Lola. Major Alenko gave a sigh and moved toward our drunk commander.

"Shepard." Was all he said and she flipped her head towards him, and for the first time tonight I could see her face. A tear had fallen, and more were about to. But as quick as I saw those tears they disappeared. She didn't say anything only stared at the Major. In some ways she looked like a scared animal and in another she looked like she would throttle him if he got too close.

Major Alenko moved forward but paused before stepping on the broken glass. "Looks like you need another bottle." That obviously was not what Lola expected him to say, the shock clearly showing. But she nodded numbly, before moving toward the Major. He ushered her into the lounge but before he was gone he turned back to me. "Get Liara." He ordered before the door closed.

I had to admit this was weird. So like any good confused man I followed orders. Thankfully Doc answered her door rather quickly. Her blue face seemed to be fighting off sleep as she spoke. "Lieutenant, this a surprise."

I chuckled "Tonight is full of surprises." I said but shook my head before continuing "Major Alenko needs your help Lola- er Shepard's in the lounge with him. I think she might have some cuts on her feet though."

That made the blue Doc wake up "Cuts?" She asked confused. I pulled her into view of the shattered glass on the ground. The Doc sighed "She's drunk." was all she said before returning to her room and getting a small first aid kit.

Before she entered the room Doc turned to me "If you could sweep that up so no one else gets injured, I'd appreciate it." **  
**

"Yeah I can handle that." I confirmed but before she disappeared I asked a question "Is she going to be okay?" When the words left my mouth I felt like an idiot.

That question seemed to take a toll on the Doc. She turned her head slowly "Yes, but it'll take time." And with that she was gone into the lounge. I just stood there for minute letting the situation sink in. I know not many still believed but I sent up a small prayer to La virgen María. Hopefully she could offer some peace to Lola, lord knows she needs it. Now to clean up the floor.


End file.
